Becoming a Boy Mom: The Wild, Transformative Journey
Trigger Warning: Contains honest discussion about postpartum depression and mental health. Take care of your heart while reading and pause if it becomes overwhelming.
Before I ever held my son, I imagined the kind of mother I would be.
Calm.
Soft.
Patient.
The kind of woman who baked banana bread on Sundays and floated through the house like a gentle breeze.
Then I became a boy mom, and God said,
“Actually… let’s give her a strong-willed little boy with endless energy and a purpose that will sanctify her daily.”
And that’s exactly what He did.
🌿 Pregnancy: Where Boy Mom Energy Begins
My pregnancy with Ezra wasn’t terrible compared to some stories. Morning sickness here and there, constant exhaustion, but overall manageable. I was active. I was outside. I was excited.
But the hormones?
The testosterone?
That was another story.
No one prepared me for the fact that carrying a boy meant I would turn into a temporarily intense, snappy, scary version of myself.
Coworkers still joke about how they walked on eggshells.
Bless their hearts.
Looking back now, I see the humor — but I also see the truth in it:
God was reshaping me. Preparing me. Stretching me.
Not just my body, but my heart.
👶 Birth: When Love Doesn’t Hit All at Once
I thought becoming a mom would feel like fireworks.
Instead, when Ezra was born, the room felt quiet inside me.
I loved him… but I didn’t feel it yet.
And I didn’t understand why.
There were moments I’d look at him and think,
“Where are this kid’s parents?”
Only to remember — painfully — that the answer was me.
Sleep was a battle every two hours.
My body wasn’t my own anymore.
My identity felt blurry, shaky, fragmented.
I didn’t know it yet, but I was stepping into the valley of postpartum depression — a valley so dark I didn’t recognize myself.
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”
— Psalm 23:4
God was with me.
Even when I was too exhausted to notice.
🌊 Postpartum: The Drowning Season
Going back to work at 12 weeks knocked the wind out of me.
That’s when the depression hit hardest — sharp, heavy, relentless.
I had thoughts no mother wants to admit.
Thoughts like:
“Maybe my family would be better without me.”
I felt alone.
Lost.
Disconnected from my baby.
Disconnected from my husband.
Disconnected from myself.
My marriage felt the strain.
My friendships weren’t equipped to understand.
And I clung to my “old life” by going out too much, drinking too much, and hurting the person who loved me most.
Looking back, I can now say the thing I couldn’t say then:
I was hurting. Deeply.
And hurting people don’t heal by pretending they’re okay.
But in the middle of my unraveling, God was still whispering:
“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
— Matthew 11:28
I didn’t come running. I barely crawled.
But He met me anyway.
🌱 Healing: The Slow Return to Light
Healing didn’t happen in one conversation.
Or one good day.
Or one prayer.
It was slow.
Messy.
Holy.
It started with honesty — with myself and with my husband.
We talked. We forgave. We tried again.
And gradually, the fog began to lift.
I started connecting with Ezra — really connecting.
Little by little, he became my joy.
My heart.
My constant reminder that God redeems the places we think are ruined.
Boy mom life became something beautiful.
Loud — always loud — but beautiful.
Wild, exhausting, hilarious, sacred.
Ezra grew into a whirlwind of energy and curiosity.
A boy who stretches me, softens me, teaches me, and makes me see God in places I never looked before.
“Children are a heritage from the Lord.”
— Psalm 127:3
Even the wild ones.
Especially the wild ones.
🤍 What Boy Mom Energy Really Means
People joke about “boy mom energy,” but for me?
It’s spiritual.
It’s emotional.
It’s transformative.
It means:
loving someone who tests every boundary and still melts your heart
learning to be patient in ways you never imagined
lowering your expectations and raising your prayers
living off coffee and God’s grace
being humbled daily
feeling joy that hits you like sunlight
watching a little boy turn into your purpose, your pride, your miracle
Boy moms understand:
They don’t just grow — we grow with them.
And through it all, I see God’s hand shaping both of us.
🌟 A Small Candle With a Big Meaning
Somewhere in this journey — through the healing, the tears, the laughter, the noise, the grace — the idea for a Boy Mom Energy candle came to me.
Not as a product.
Not as a thing to sell.
But as a tribute.
A reminder.
An acknowledgment of the season that changed me forever.
A scent that feels like grounding.
Like warmth.
Like the wild, holy beauty of raising a little boy.
It’s just a candle…
but it holds a whole story.
My story.
Maybe yours too.
✨ To the Boy Moms — and the Moms Still Finding Their Way
If you’re in the thick of postpartum depression: you are not alone.
If you’re exhausted: God sees you.
If you’re disconnected: it will not be this way forever.
If you’re overwhelmed: there is grace for you.
If you’re healing: I’m proud of you.
Motherhood is not meant to be perfect.
It is meant to be redeemed.
And God redeems everything.
From one boy mom to another —
Keep going.
Keep praying.
Keep loving.
Keep showing up, even messy.
Your little boy was given to you on purpose,
for a purpose, by a God who doesn’t make mistakes.
🤍 If You’re Struggling — You’re Not Alone
If this story brought up heavy feelings for you, please know this:
You are not weak.
You are not failing.
And you do not have to walk this alone.
Postpartum depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts are more common than we talk about — and help is available.
Immediate Support
If you are ever feeling unsafe or overwhelmed to the point of crisis:
Call or text 988 — Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)
Available 24/7, free, confidentialIf you are outside the U.S., please contact your local emergency number or a trusted healthcare provider.
Postpartum-Specific Support
Postpartum Support International (PSI)
postpartum.net
Call or text 1-800-944-4773
(They offer support groups, resources, and help finding local providers)PSI Text Support
📱 Text HELP to 800-944-4773 (English)
📱 Text EN ESPAÑOL to 971-203-7773
Professional Help
Reach out to your OB-GYN, midwife, primary care provider, or therapist
(PPD is medical — asking for help is strength, not failure.)Many churches and communities also offer faith-based counseling if that feels more comfortable for you.
Faith-Based Encouragement
If you are someone who leans on faith, remember:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
— Psalm 34:18
God does not expect you to carry this by yourself.
Reaching out for help does not mean you lack faith —
it means you are honoring the life He entrusted to you.
🤍 A Final Word
If you see yourself in these words, I hope this reminds you of one thing:
Healing is possible.
Support is available.
And you are deeply loved — by God, by your family, and by a community of moms who understand.
Please take care of yourself as gently as you take care of everyone else.
🤍 Stay caffeinated- K
More about the author:
Hi, I’m Kendra, the heart behind Caffeine & Chaos Co.
I’m a faith-filled wife, mama of two, writer, and creative entrepreneur sharing the unfiltered side of motherhood. Around here, we celebrate grace over perfection, caffeine over sleep, and the everyday reminders that God meets us right in the mess.
☕ Stay caffeinated. Stay rooted. You’re not alone here.
